Inlaws or Outlaws

This is the time of year people start to consider where and how they want to spend their holidays and with whom.  Having inlaws means time is usually divided between what you WANT to and what you think you HAVE to do.  So how do you choose between your family of Origin and family of Creation? How do you make everyone happy for the holiday season?  There is always the unsaid expectation that you will spend Christmas at your parents house and not to mention traditions in families. To be fair to your family and the inlaws you can split your time between them or you can just man up and make a decision on what you really want to do, let everyone know in advance and have a great holiday.

So about the outlaws? The above is all about families who love each other and all get along but happens when there is conflict within the family.  One person doesn’t like the other what does that mean for the holidays? Is it ok to spend time with your family if your husband or wife will not go with you?  It is common for there to be personality clashes within families and that’s ok because we are all different and unique people however is it ALL about who YOU like and what YOU want.  If it would make your wife happy to spend some time with her family then the only questions you to ask yourself is:

  • Is it all about you?
  • Do you love her enough that you can sacrifice some holiday time for her benefit?
  • How does it benefit your relationship by putting her first?
  • How important is it to have your own way?
  • What’s the least amount of time you could spend with the inlaws and keep the peace?

Remember it’s your time too so talk it over with your partner and talk about your concerns and negotiate a holiday that will meet both of your needs.  And have a great holiday!

My wife says I’m not romantic because I don’t buy her presents and it upsets her.  Is it wrong I don’t buy her presents?

Gifts are an easy way to show someone you care or you are thinking of them.  This is one of the ways people show they love someone and it is also the way some people feel love in return.  Some people show love by doing work around the house or giving their partner compliments, some show love through intimacy and sex and others show love by spending quality time.  If it’s important to your partner then it means she feels loved through gifts so why not ask her for a list of thing she would like and then you could choose something from the list.

Valentines Day makes me upset because I don’t have a partner and I really want to find someone. 

You’re absolutely right.  Valentines Day can be romantic and special and full of love if you have a partner and if you don’t have a partner it can make you feel really lonely and also feel like you are missing out.  If you really want to find a partner there are many ways to do it in this day n age.  The internet has lots of different websites you could join that would help match you up with a partner of similar likes and interests including Eharmony and Matchmaker. Com or you could go the old fashion way and the best way (I think) by letting your friends know you are looking for a relationship and getting them to set you up with someone they know who is single and looking a relationship too.  Most important you need to put yourself out there, it can be a bit scary and you might feel a bit vulnerable but there is so much to gain – so go for it!

Written by Mirella DeBoni, Relationship Counselling Specialist, Proserpine, Cannonvale